Free at Last!
How to Recover from a Broken Heart…..
Yes…I was in that meditative state, one gets in right before falling asleep, and suddenly I jolted out of bed with the realization that I was finally free….and completely over my ex.
So whoever said it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them….LIED….It took me almost 2 years to get over a 2 year relationship….and for the first time since I met this person I can honestly say I AM OVER IT….and mean it!!!…cause you know people say that all the time after they break up with someone….after a 5 year relationship you run into your girl at the club drunk out of her culito and when you ask her how she’s doing she says “Oh I’m so over it!” Yeah right….I don’t care how much alcohol you put into your body….when you wake up tomorrow morning….you’ll still be crying and you’ll still miss that co-dependence that you had with your partner……so…..it takes time and it takes work….the key word in this past sentence is WORK…..yes….you can’t just wait for TIME to heal you….YOU MUST BE AN ACTIVE AGENT AND USE TIME TO HEAL…..time is there for you to take advantage of it, but as long as you stay a victim of circumstance and still look to the past with longing….you will only perpetuate your own misery…..you will LIE to yourself and find new people to replace old voids, put a band-aid on an infested wound….that will only continue to grow……
Until you are fully healed from your past, you will not be able to fully walk in the present. Give yourself time for self-recovery……right after a harsh break-up we tend to get really busy and really involved….ALMOST OBSESSED with things around us as a way to avoid from looking at ourselves and asking ourselves very important questions…..when I broke up with Mark I got obsessed with my career….and getting ahead…..i was so focused on work, that it left me little time to think about what I had been through….for men, I hear that it is easier to be distracted by finding quick replacements…..though these replacements are physical, they lack depth and emotional connection……it is our cowardice way of coping and avoiding sitting with ourselves in the painful process of letting go.
How did I heal?
It was NOT easy….as im sure you can tell from my past poems, journal entries and blogs…..But since I am complete in this most recent process…I want to share my experiences in the hopes that they may help others who are going through it, or who have become stuck in a place of stagnancy and self-victimization.
8 STEPS TO RECOVERING FROM A BROKEN HEART!
1. I took time off from the world…I chose isolation because I needed to cry and release everything I wasn’t ready to talk about. I gave myself some alone time for mourning…..one of the first steps in acknowledging the end/death of something.
2. I found comfort in Lila Downs…..I would take long drives, roll up my windows all the way and sing along to Lila Downs Rancheras……this became my way of releasing pain….through singing…..everytime I ran into my ex, or had a thought about my ex, I would grab “La Cantina” by Lila Downs and would give myself 30minutes to an hour to sing along and cry about it….then I would get out of my car and continue on with my day.
3. I spent time with Family. Sought advice from my elders, and engaged in laughter, joy and service with people in my immediate and extended family; whose warmth reminded me that I was not alone; who’s words provided me with comfort; and who’s love gave me strength to heal.
4. I did the master cleanse….a great way to move forward from an unhealthy past is to change different parts of our lifestyles…..one important part that affects our moods and our energy is our EATING….by doing the master cleanse for 10 days, not only did I heal my body, but I also actively healed my mind and my spirit…..
5. Pick a hobby….something that makes you feel good….whether it be to paint, to write, to sing, to dance……practice this hobby in a balanced way….don’t inmerse yourself so deep in it that you forget that you are healing….but allow it to fill a part of you that has been lost…..allow it to be an act of self-love, a gift that you give to yourself…..for how can we expect others to give to us if we are not capable of giving to ourselves?
6. Prayer and Meditation has provided me time to reflect. Ask myself the following questions: Why was this person in my life? What gift, lesson do I take with me from this past experience? How am I better equipped for my future relationships and interactions? One of the most important questions for me was Do I really miss this person…or do I miss how I felt with this person?
7. After asking myself these set of questions I came to the realization and the understanding that my ex….was not meant to be my life partner, because if that is what the universe intended for me, then it would have worked out that way; and thus I accept that my ex and I are not aligned, and therefore, in order for me to grow and come closer to finding the person with whom I can nourish a healthy, balanced and inter-dependent relationship with; I must be able to let go completely of my past, for if I don’t, it will cloud my future relationships and I may not be ready for my true life partner once they come along…..
8. FINALLY I was able to forgive….First and foremost I forgave myself for any pain, and hurt I may have caused my ex….i freed myself from guilt and shame, and accepted my past as lessons that I can now look back and see differently…..and Secondly….i forgave my ex….for any pain and hurt that I allowed him to cause me. As my compassion grew, so did my love for myself….and thus I was not tied to a past that was holding me captive and keeping me in the darkness….instead….i was able to release and let new wisdom, new perspectives, and new light flow into my life…..and with this new wisdom, with these new perspectives and with this abundance of light….i began to attract like-minded spirits and surrounded myself with a new kind of love.
WHAT IS MOST IMPROTANT IN OUR HEALING PROCESS IS THAT WE USE CREATIVE VS. DESTRUCTIVE METHODS TO RECOVER…..IF WE FEEL PAIN, WE SHOULD NOT IGNORE IT, WE SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND LET IT SIT INSIDE OF US, BUT WE MUST NOT GIVE IT THE INTENSITY OR THE ENERGY THIS PAIN DEMANDS…..WE SIMPLY LET IT BE, AND THOUGH WE BECOME AWARE OF IT, WE TRY NOT TO ACT UPON IT, AND INSTEAD TRY TO DISCOVER ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS THAT WILL ENABLE US TO MOVE FORWARD IN OUR PATH TO BE WHOLE AND COMPLETE INDIVIDUALS….!
And thanks to this process that I have undergone in the past year and a half….i have learnt so much about myself, about the things I want to manifest in a life partner….and finally I am grateful that my relationship ended….for now I can see the bigger picture….before I was so caught up on the rain-drops that I didn’t understand the rain…..i was so caught up on the wave that I didn’t connect it to the ocean….and so now I am grateful that I am able to see this relationship as a stepping stone towards the changes that my spirit must udergo to be complete, whole and free….so that it can attract the energies of individuals who are also complete, whole and free….so that I may be able to engage in a healthy loving relationship that is free of co-dependency and that is rooted in LOVE….a word….that we must learn to define and re-define over time, and throughout each of our break-ups….a word that will teach us as much about what we want and desire from others, as what we want and desire from ourselves!