The Writings of Gabriela Garcia Medina

December 5, 2008

Free at Last! (Entry: March 2007)

Filed under: Journal — Tags: , , , , , — gabriela @ 6:07 pm

Free at Last!
How to Recover from a Broken Heart…..

Yes…I was in that meditative state, one gets in right before falling asleep, and suddenly I jolted out of bed with the realization that I was finally free….and completely over my ex.
So whoever said it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them….LIED….It took me almost 2 years to get over a 2 year relationship….and for the first time since I met this person I can honestly say I AM OVER IT….and mean it!!!…cause you know people say that all the time after they break up with someone….after a 5 year relationship you run into your girl at the club drunk out of her culito and when you ask her how she’s doing she says “Oh I’m so over it!” Yeah right….I don’t care how much alcohol you put into your body….when you wake up tomorrow morning….you’ll still be crying and you’ll still miss that co-dependence that you had with your partner……so…..it takes time and it takes work….the key word in this past sentence is WORK…..yes….you can’t just wait for TIME to heal you….YOU MUST BE AN ACTIVE AGENT AND USE TIME TO HEAL…..time is there for you to take advantage of it, but as long as you stay a victim of circumstance and still look to the past with longing….you will only perpetuate your own misery…..you will LIE to yourself and find new people to replace old voids, put a band-aid on an infested wound….that will only continue to grow……

Until you are fully healed from your past, you will not be able to fully walk in the present. Give yourself time for self-recovery……right after a harsh break-up we tend to get really busy and really involved….ALMOST OBSESSED with things around us as a way to avoid from looking at ourselves and asking ourselves very important questions…..when I broke up with Mark I got obsessed with my career….and getting ahead…..i was so focused on work, that it left me little time to think about what I had been through….for men, I hear that it is easier to be distracted by finding quick replacements…..though these replacements are physical, they lack depth and emotional connection……it is our cowardice way of coping and avoiding sitting with ourselves in the painful process of letting go.

How did I heal?
It was NOT easy….as im sure you can tell from my past poems, journal entries and blogs…..But since I am complete in this most recent process…I want to share my experiences in the hopes that they may help others who are going through it, or who have become stuck in a place of stagnancy and self-victimization.

8 STEPS TO RECOVERING FROM A BROKEN HEART!

1.    I took time off from the world…I chose isolation because I needed to cry and release everything I wasn’t ready to talk about. I gave myself some alone time for mourning…..one of the first steps in acknowledging the end/death of something.

2.    I found comfort in Lila Downs…..I would take long drives, roll up my windows all the way and sing along to Lila Downs Rancheras……this became my way of releasing pain….through singing…..everytime I ran into my ex, or had a thought about my ex, I would grab “La Cantina” by Lila Downs and would give myself 30minutes to an hour to sing along and cry about it….then I would get out of my car and continue on with my day.

3.    I spent time with Family. Sought advice from my elders, and engaged in laughter, joy and service with people in my immediate and extended family; whose warmth reminded me that I was not alone; who’s words provided me with comfort; and who’s love gave me strength to heal.

4.    I did the master cleanse….a great way to move forward from an unhealthy past is to change different parts of our lifestyles…..one important part that affects our moods and our energy is our EATING….by doing the master cleanse for 10 days, not only did I heal my body, but I also actively healed my mind and my spirit…..

5.    Pick a hobby….something that makes you feel good….whether it be to paint, to write, to sing, to dance……practice this hobby in a balanced way….don’t inmerse yourself so deep in it that you forget that you are healing….but allow it to fill a part of you that has been lost…..allow it to be an act of self-love, a gift that you give to yourself…..for how can we expect others to give to us if we are not capable of giving to ourselves?

6.    Prayer and Meditation has provided me time to reflect. Ask myself the following questions: Why was this person in my life? What gift, lesson do I take with me from this past experience? How am I better equipped for my future relationships and interactions? One of the most important questions for me was Do I really miss this person…or do I miss how I felt with this person?

7.    After asking myself these set of questions I came to the realization and the understanding that my ex….was not meant to be my life partner, because if that is what the universe intended for me, then it would have worked out that way; and thus I accept that my ex and I are not aligned, and therefore, in order for me to grow and come closer to finding the person with whom I can nourish a healthy, balanced and inter-dependent relationship with; I must be able to let go completely of my past, for if I don’t, it will cloud my future relationships and I may not be ready for my true life partner once they come along…..

8.    FINALLY I was able to forgive….First and foremost I forgave myself for any pain, and hurt I may have caused my ex….i freed myself from guilt and shame, and accepted my past as lessons that I can now look back and see differently…..and Secondly….i forgave my ex….for any pain and hurt that I allowed him to cause me. As my compassion grew, so did my love for myself….and thus I was not tied to a past that was holding me captive and keeping me in the darkness….instead….i was able to release and let new wisdom, new perspectives, and new light flow into my life…..and with this new wisdom, with these new perspectives and with this abundance of light….i began to attract like-minded spirits and surrounded myself with a new kind of love.

WHAT IS MOST IMPROTANT IN OUR HEALING PROCESS IS THAT WE USE CREATIVE VS. DESTRUCTIVE METHODS TO RECOVER…..IF WE FEEL PAIN, WE SHOULD NOT IGNORE IT, WE SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND LET IT SIT INSIDE OF US, BUT WE MUST NOT GIVE IT THE INTENSITY OR THE ENERGY THIS PAIN DEMANDS…..WE SIMPLY LET IT BE, AND THOUGH WE BECOME AWARE OF IT, WE TRY NOT TO ACT UPON IT, AND INSTEAD TRY TO DISCOVER ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS THAT WILL ENABLE US TO MOVE FORWARD IN OUR PATH TO BE WHOLE AND COMPLETE INDIVIDUALS….!

And thanks to this process that I have undergone in the past year and a half….i have learnt so much about myself, about the things I want to manifest in a life partner….and finally I am grateful that my relationship ended….for now I can see the bigger picture….before I was so caught up on the rain-drops that I didn’t understand the rain…..i was so caught up on the wave that I didn’t connect it to the ocean….and so now I am grateful that I am able to see this relationship as a stepping stone towards the changes that my spirit must udergo to be complete, whole and free….so that it can attract the energies of individuals who are also complete, whole and free….so that I may be able to engage in a healthy loving relationship that is free of co-dependency and that is rooted in LOVE….a word….that we must learn to define and re-define over time, and throughout each of our break-ups….a word that will teach us as much about what we want and desire from others, as what we want and desire from ourselves!

Her Remains (November 2nd, 2007)

Filed under: Journal — Tags: , , , , , — gabriela @ 5:59 pm

Her Remains.

My mouth feels violated every time we kiss
For it can taste the reminisce of the woman you still miss
And when you hold me in your arms
Her ghost lingers in your charms
And when you lick me soft beneath my ear
Her name echoes an alarm
And even though she’s nowhere near
I can feel her presence here between us.

I see her reflection when you look into my eyes
And feel her scent when you reach between my thighs
Your heart still wants what your mind denies
And as we’re getting undressed
And your hand is pressed
Passionately against my breasts
I’m overcome with unrest at the thought of her
Ever so present is your past
And my feelings are overcast
With disappointment
For wanting you

For wanting something i cannot have
Yet I accept the broken half you offer me
Because I’m stubborn
And my heart (like yours), wants what my mind denies
And this ghost from your past I have come to despise
If it’s already dead why does it feel so alive
And I realize
That the only way for ghosts to die
Is for them to be forgotten
And only you can close that door
It is your love for yourself that can win that war
So until then
I must conform to being your friend
And nothing more.

The Gift.

Filed under: Poetry — Tags: , , , , , , , , — gabriela @ 5:53 pm

The Gift.

Life is a timba song
And it’s heart is the clave.
Clap – Clap- Clap - ClapClap
The clave;
It beats strong
And it beats steady throughout the song
Steady and conscious of itself
For it is the foundation
It is essential to the music
The root that holds everything together
Without it, nothing else makes sense
We are the claves
Clap-Clap-Clap- ClapClap
Our mothers are the claves
Clap-Clap-Clap- ClapClap
Our fathers are the claves
Clap – Clap – Clap – ClapClap
This beat is the gift of our ancestors
It is our birthmark
Branded onto our hips like tattoos
We carry the clave in our bones
And speak, like we move, in rhythm
Everywhere there is breath, there is salsa
You can find our music
Behind barrio alleys
On Hialeah street corners
In Brooklyn basements
Zabumba on Sundays
Santeria celebrations
Little cousin’s quinceaneras
And family reunions
Yes our music is everywhere we are.
There are Rueda classes in Chicago,
Cuban Festivals in Montana,
And of course there is always a reason to party in Little Havana
We have left our legacy in Alaska, Mexico, Canada, Beijing, Peru
And I bet even the esquimos in Antarctica know how to shake it inside their igloos
Our music has come full circle in Africa,
where it pays homage to its origins and rejoices its evolution
You can also find it at any Arcade in the form of Dance Revolution
It is shared in Indian Reservations, and in Tokyo night clubs,
There are even residues of our flavor in Germany, Britain, France and Spain
Through the sounds of maracas; yes, they too share a part of us, (Well, at least they try!)
Because Cubans, like our music, have touched every corner of the world
We are ambassadors of the drum and representatives of peace
Wherever the clave is, there is a celebration
So tell the UN that all they need to do to bring world peace is cancel the Geneva Convention and hold a Timba Pary instead
Teach Afghanis and Pakistanis to dance a Rueda
Make Israelis and Palestinians have to dance together
North Korea and South Korea will tap their feet
To the same salsa beat
And realize how similar they really are
And when the congas play to the trumpet sound
Walls will come down and bright colored streamers will fly high in the sky
Children from warring countries will look into each other’s eyes
And dance to the Clap-Clap-Clap- ClapClap
We will all dance our wars away
Russia and Georgia will share an enchufle
China will give Tibet a sombrero
And US Troops will do an Adios with Iraq
Because when two strangers are engaged in this musical exchange
They are connected, feet moving together
Hands touching, bodies flowing, souls glowing,
And hearts overcome with compassion
And how can there be wars when there is compassion?
How can we look into each others eyes and not find love?
So let our music be our contribution
Let this Clap-Clap-Clap- ClapClap be our gift
Wherever the congas beat there is my culture sharing itself with the world
Bringing love straight to your doorstep,
Instead of guns, drums shake the earth beneath your feet like an electric beam of light sending little shocks of joy through your blood stream.
Instead of bombs, we drop beats that make even the stiffest of hips move to the groove of the base, creating one people, one love, one race
Our music is everything
It is not a reminder of home, because music is our home
Clap- clap- clap- clapclap
Clapping its way into our yesterdays
And influencing the sounds of tomorrows
As Celia reminds us “Que la vida es un Carnaval”
And this becomes our philosophy
We learn to live like we dance, smiling at the joy that is life
Timba, salsa, son
tropetas, congas y cajon
Yes!
She, too, is a gift to me,
Her spirit resonates in all my poetry
And her rhythm resides within me
Flowing skirt
And dancing shoes
Toes vibrating inside stilettos
Mouth singing
Arms swinging
Fluterring like tropical butterflies
Sweat drips on shaking hips
And lips smile uncontrollably
Cause when I am dancing I am Queen
No scratch that, I am Goddess
No scratch that, I am Queen Goddess!
Exuding sexuality with every contraction
With every release
I release sensuality
Like I was drenched in honey
And men, like bees stick to my sweaty sweetness till their legs fall off
Cause when I am dancing
I forget my insecurities, my fears
I forget that I haven’t set foot on Cuban soil in years
I forget that there’s bills waiting for me at home
That my mother was angry when we last spoke on the phone
I forget that I have an overdue parking ticket,
That there is work on Monday morning
There’s always traffic on the 110
And that gas is $3.99 a gallon
When I am dancing
I am living for the moment
For this music
The next step
The next turn
Who knows how the song will end?
All I know is that my smile is so bright in this moment it could light up a city
After each and every song, my body is ready to collapse in exstasy, like that feeling of release you get right after the best orgasm of your life.
I wanna kiss my sweaty stranger of a partner and say Thank you Thank You Thank you!
Yo don’t know how much this meant to me!
And my breath is so sweet it smells like evaporated sugar canes
My cheeks are so red they burn with love
My eyes so big they are filled with compassion
And my life has meaning
Because as long as I have this gift,
this music,
I will always know who I am
And the world will be my dancefloor.
Clap-Clap-Clap- ClapClap

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